I did it! (sort of)

Well, dear blog readers, I've done it! Minus one day, (which really shouldn't count because family was visiting and you're supposed to put your entire life on hold when family comes) I have managed to write something (some of it not very worth while) every day in august.

I'm more proud of myself than I ought to be, probably, but this is the first time in a while that I have actually done something I said I was going to do!

It should be noted that the last time I said I was going to do something that wasn't absolutely essential for a grade in school, I had to stay up until five o'clock in the morning to finish it. Once it was finished, I sent it out to everyone and their mother practically begging for feed back. Yes, in case you are wondering, I am that insecure.

And, in case the six of you are worried, no. I won't ask you to post a rating of my blogging capabilities on a scale from one to ten in the comments. I won't even ask for comments. How's that for being a mature, secure, worthwhile human being?

I've found myself doing a lot of soul searching and considering where my life is going this month. I've thought a lot about who I am as a person, what I beleive in and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I'm not sure if that has to do with blogging or if it's just where I am in my life right now.

Either way, blogging my one month journey probably helped me get there. Which means the six (or more, or less...depending) of you helped me get there. So...yeah. Thanks for that.

I want to try to continue to blog at least once a week. Let's make it a nice, medium day like Wednesday. Yes, every Wednesday I will post a new blog. (But not this Wednesday because that's tomorrow. And, I sort of want to take a day off now that I can).

So, the Wednesday after next I will regaile you with more of my goofy mis-adventures, rants, sentimental moments and horrible spelling mistakes.

Until next time!

BEDA Fail and Life in the Capitol

So... I didn't post a blog yesterday. Which means I kind of failed at the whole 'blog everyday in August' thingy.

Honestly, it's easy to say "oh, of course I can blog everyday in August. How hard can it be?". But then, inevitably, you come home tired from work, or you go to a water park or the pool, or your sister comes to stay so you're out late doing vacationy things, or (in my case), a combination of all of these occurs.

Vacationy things can really wipe you out. Going to Schlieterbann on Saturday was, in and of itself, exhausting. However we also went to a party with some of my Dad's friends and then out to eat. All of it was more than either Sarah and I could take, beleive it or not.

Which brings me to my next point (sort of...not really...but I needed a segue). See, Sarah gave me this book called "Set-Apart" it's talking about Women being set apart for God and sort of turning our backs on the things of this world. While it's a little radical, it has made me think about the things we're bombarded with, particularly in the United States.

We (I probably more than anyone), sit for hours in front of the television and the computer (as much as I love it), we have more than enough to eat and then complain when we put on weight. We are obsessed with fashion and celebrity and spend thousands of dollars on making ourselves look and feel better. Sexual obsession is looked upon as healthy and neccesarry (especially for men) and peoples individual and private dramas are splashed across the television as entertainment.

There is a society similar to this featured in the other book I'm reading The Hunger Games. In this strange city people are obesessed with surgically altering themselves, wear new outlandish fashions every week, indulge in rich, decadent food and watch children fight and die on television for profit and entertainment.

It's amazing how easily we could become exactly like the citizens in The Capitol. Indeed, we're half way there all ready. I'm as much, if not more to blame in this than anyone else, I spend so much time talking and thinking about myself and I hardly give a thought to others who don't have the luxuries that I take for granted.

More than that, I don't even take the time to thank God for the innumerable and amazing blessings I have. Instead I complain to him about my body or my living situation or my lack of money. Silly, insignificant tidbits, really.

So, now, I will make another vow. Along with my vow of 'No more pitty parties' I also make a vow to take an hour everyday to spend alone with God in order to thank him for all I have. I'll also make a vow to do at least one thing for one other person with no personal agenda everyday.

Like blogging it won't be easy and I'm absolutely certain I won't want to do it everyday, but it's something I'll just have to do.

I also feel like I really need to look more into the peac corps. So, I'll probably be doing that too.

Well, with that helpful thought, I bid you good night my dear blog reading sextet.

Only one more day to go!

The Promised book review

I completely forgot I promised a review of The Hunger Games for yesterday. I find my days are so filled with vacationy things that I'm exhausted by the time I get home and can't think properly to write a decent blog post.

But, as promised, here it is. Again not a literary masterpeice, more of an incoherent ramble.

So, in case you're not familiar, the Hunger Games is a young adult fiction series which takes place in a post apocalyptic North America which has been transformed into a nation of 13 districts ruled by an affluent, tyranical Capitol. About 75 years before the book series begins district thirteen rebeled against the Capitol and the capitol destroyed the district. Now, as a reminder of the capitols power over the districts, and the futility of resistance, the Capitol requires that two tributes, a boy and a girl between the ages of 12 and 18 from each district be randomly selected to go to the Capitol in order to participate in the Hunger Games. In the games the 24 tributes must fight eachother to the death on live television and only one Tribute must be left alive for the games to end.

The story revolves around Katniss, a girl from district 12 in what used to be West Virginia, voulunteers to go in place of her Sister.

I won't tell you more than that for fear of spoiling you. (Really, all that information can be gleaned from the back cover). I will tell you that this is, beyond a doubt, the best young adult series I have read in a long time. The plot is orriginal and engaging, the characters are increadibly complex and realistic.

There are historical references, (obvious ones to the Capitol as Rome and the hunger games compared to the Gladiator matches, obviously Roman names for Capitol characters) and also references to pop culture that really make you think twice about that harmless reality television show I watch all the time.

It is an amazing series and one I hightly recomend. Not much of a review, but I'm tired, so, it'll have to do.

So, good night!

It Counts! (or, the REAL shortest blog post in the history of blog posts)

I haven't gone to bed for the day so, though it is technically the 28th of August, it is still Friday night to me. This counts as the blog post for the 27th!

Besides that, my Sister is here and I just had an awesome and exhausting day. Work was easy, we had lunch with the station manager and I spend the evening eating at this great little tea house in Southtown and then listening to music at a jazz club on the river walk.

We just got home not more than an hour ago and I am very happy but very tired. And, I know this is probably going to be less than 200 words and so probably should not count as a blog post. However, there comes a point in a persons life when they just fall beyond the point of caring.

Plus, I have to get up early to go to Schlieterbann (an AWESOME water park) tommorrow with my Dad, Sarah and the free (!) tickets I got from work. So, I guess this is me saying good night and expect a nice, long, funny anecdote filled post tomorrow.

Good night dear blog reading sextet!

The finishing of books, better days etc...

So, I've finished the first hunger games book. Which means that I will post a full review on Friday. This review will, most likely, not contain any literary merit whatsoever. It will more likely contain nothing but squeeing, gushing and contemplating the reasons why fictional male characters are so much more fanciable than males who exist in the real world.

I'm having a hard time not writing a full out gush filled review right now but...I promised myself that I will wait until Friday. So I shall.

In other news, things are a bit crazy at work right now. We're changing over afiliations on the thirtieth, so, I'm putting media kits together and inputting schedule changes like nobody's business. On the bright side, it turns out I didn't do anything massively wrong the other day. My boss is just a bit cranky with everyone because of everything that's happening in the office right now. So, I will not be fired.

In more other news...Sarah's here! This makes me so increadibly happy that it geels like a weekend! We got to go to a great healthy mexican restaurant and we get to go to Schliterbann (the most amazing waterpark in the world)!

With that, much happier post, I shall say good night.

So...goodnight!

Rachel and the terrible, horrible, no good very bad day

In case you couldn't tell by the blog title, I didn't have the best day. Things aren't going as well as I would like at work. I've made some big mistakes that I shouldn't have made and now I'm sort of in hot watter.

Not to mention I have very little money in my account and, sometime this week, I have to transfer a substantial ammount of money from my account to my Dads for my car. I've been yelled at for the past couple of days and, I've also been running around trying to get things done not to mention it's comming up on a certain time of the month which is never fun for me.

I came home ready to indulge in a full out pitty party when I got on my computer and heard the horrible news: Esther, a nerd fighter and supporter of the Harry Potter alliance passed away this morning at the age of 16.

I didn't know Esther personally; but I've seen her vlogs and I know all about the great work she's done for the Harry Potter alliance. I knew that she was sick but this comes as such a...shock. She was such a wonderful person and so young and here I am whining about my insurance and 'that time of the month'.

I'm healthy, I have a job, my family is perfectly fine right now. Tomorrow I could get hit by a car, my Mother or sister or Father could be diagnosed with cancer. It could end in less than a second. I know you've probably heard that a billion times, but it's another one of those cliche's which is true and, unfortunately, things like this come along to illustrate just how true they are.

One of the things that amazed me about Esther is, she never had pitty parties that I can recall. No, not in one instance in her vlogs do I ever remember her feeling sorry for herself. So, I've decided that now, I'm not going to either.

I can't promise anything but I think, with Esther's help, I can try to turn my perpetually self pittying days behind me. If you know me, you know that not feeling sorry for myself won't be easy, but I can promise to try.

So, I make a vow right now to put this terrible, horrible, no good very bad day behind me. After all, they happen to everyone at some point. Even in Australia (Brownie points to anyone other than Sarah who understands that reference).

Warfare

So, in case you couldn't tell from my previous blogs, I'm a little excited about this book I'm reading called the Hunger Games. And, really, I think it's beging to go to my head.

See, I have this habbit, well...it's more of a quirk, really. When I really like a book and I really identify with a character, I take on the emotional state of that character. For example, when Henry the Eigth wanted to divorce Anne of Cleves because he said that she was 'too plain' in Philipa Greggory's the Bolyn Inheritance, I spent the entire day mopping about the streets of London moping about being plain and unattractive with absolutely no prompting. In essence, I became Anne of Cleves.

Well, right now,(A little bit of a Hunger Games spoiler here for people who haven't read the first book), Katniss Everdeen is in the woods and has just managed to survive a fire attack by the game makers. There is danger around every corner and everyone around her has a stratagey and, ultimately plan on killing her.

I'm in 'The Games' part of the book, and I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like danger and attacks have been around every corner today. First, I take my eyes off the road for one second and I find myself driving over a curb. Next the oldsmobile that parks next to my car almost crashes into me. Then, someone ran a stop sign and would have run into me if Luna hadn't had nice, quick brakes.

Other things started happening to me today too. I started, with no obvious prompting, to doubt myself, to feel as though I was going to be fired (though no one at work has even hinted that I'm not performing well), to feel as though I would never reach my goals, to fell like I was stupid and lazy. Again, I'm not sure where these thoughts came from, but where ever they came from I began to answer myself in 'battle tactic' terminology.

I began to tell myself things like:
'Pull yourself together' and 'you can't afford to show weakness, you can't afford to feel sorry for yourself', ' you have to keep going on or they'll all think you're an easy target'. I know for a fact that these phrases came from 'The Hunger Games' and, in a way, they helped a lot.

I mean, really, when you stop to think about it we're all in a competition, a fight to survive everyday. Sometimes we're fighting against normal external factors, some times we're fighting against ourselves and sometimes (I, personally beleive), we're fighting against suppernatural sources that we can't see ( I can see some of you backing away from the insane evangelical girl with her crazy blogs about things like angels and deamons).

I'm not saying that a deamon almost ran over my car at a stop sign today, however, I am saying that thinking in battle tactics can sometimes be helpful. If we're going to go through a tough world, sometimes we've got to be tough with it.

So, thank you Katniss Everdeen, thank you.

In other news, only one more day before Sarah comes! We've got a lot to do, house wise, before she gets here. But, I'm really, really excited all the same! And, Sarah, I'll have the first book done by the time you get here. I promise.

Well, goodnight!

The First Day of School

Well, dear readers, today was the first day of school. I'm sure this fact is more significant to some of you than it is for me. Which, to tell the truth, is very odd. Not sad, not wonderful, just...odd.

I keep reminding myself that I won't be going to classes or lectures this year. I won't be writing papers or putting together projects for a grade and, when summer comes again, I'll simply do exactly what I've been doing for the past several months.

When I thought about this, I realized, for, perhaps, the first time that the last time I spent a year, not in school, I was going to daycare and singing songs about rubber duckies in a bath tub. Yes, this is the first time since I was four years old that I haven't had a first day of school.

Thinking about it, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself now. I mean, I know that I'm free to go to work and after that, do what ever I want. I know that now I can persue a career, go places that I want to do, buy things with an income and build a life for myself. But, I'm not exactly sure whether or not I'm ready for it.

I'm twenty four years old and, really, I don't know how to be an adult.

That seems a strange confession to make. But, there it is. I mean, I love my job. I like my church, I love my car. I'm pretty happy with my life in general but I can't help thinking that there must be more to it than that. I suppose I just have to get going with my career. It's not just going to start itself after all.

Maybe I need a change of scenery. As much as I like San Antonio I've certainly never fancied being stuck here and, while I don't really seem stuck any more, I don't feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I've thought about going to Graduate school. I actually started filling out applications last year before I decided to take a year off first. Now, I'm not sure whether or not Grad school is right for me.

One plus is that it could get me to someplace I want to be. Like England or New York. Down side, is I've got to go to school full time and work at least part time as well and, to tell the truth, I'd probably be putting my career off more than getting it started. Not to mention that I'm not sure I could get a scholarship or grant. And the last thing I need right now is another student loan. Then again, Graduate school has a way of opening a lot of doors. I would get more good training and it looks fairly impressive on a resume.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just afraid of not being in school ever again. To actually have to grow up. It is a pretty scarry prospect when you stop to think about it.

What do you think dear blog readers? Is graduate school a viable possibility or am I simply longing to go back to the familiar world of school and college? Should I change my life in a different way? Perahps join the Peace Corps? (I've actually considered this, belive it or not. And, I still haven't ruled it out. It sounds like it would be a good experience).

I'll leave you with these questions for tonight.

Good night my dear sextet!

More Book Review Promises

It is one week away still, however, I can promise you, without a doubt that you, my dear blog reading sextet, will be graced with a wonderful book review this Friday.

'How do you know this?' I hear your six lovely voices call out to me in unison.

Well, my dear readers, I know this, not because I am overly confident in my book reviewing abilities (for proof scroll down to the last book review I did. Let's just say, the New York Times will not be clammoring for my services anytime soon.), I know this because I have just begun the most amazing book I have read in a long, long time.

So far, I am only a little less than two chapters in, however, The Hunger Games by Suzane Collins promises to be one of the best books I have read since I was introduced to a skinny black haired eleven year old with glasses and a cool scar.

I'll wait until Friday to give you the prefunctory premise and summary of the book. I can tell you that I've cried twice so far, and, again, I'm only begining the third chapter. It is increadibly well written, the characters seem increadibly well developed and I'm excited to see where this story will take me.

So, despite all the shallow, uninteresting posts as of late, I can promise you that you will want to stay tuned for Fridays book review. The subject, if not the reviewer, will make it worth your while.

Well, since it's Sunday and I'm trying to get an early start on work tomorrow, I'm going to say good night and leave you with yet another extremely short blog post. Don't worry, the promise of a wonderful Friday review looms.

Until then...

From Lance to Luna

Hello blog readers, guess what semi-miracle occured today? I got a new car!

And, when I say "new" I mean a brand new, 2010, Toyota Carola! She is silver, drives like a dream and her name is Luna. Continuing with the Harry Potter theme, I named the best car I have ever owned after my favorite Harry Potter character. Though "owned" is kind of misleading.

Technically, I'm leasing this car. I make payments on it and they own it for three years. Then, I either get to buy it or exchange it for a newer model.

Still, it's beautiful really. It's silver colored has a CD player, turns on a dime and accelerates faster than you can blink. Really, it's lucky for me that Toyotta had all those problems because that means that no one wants to buy their cars, which means that broke college graduates like me get really, really good deals on increadibly wonderful cars.

My mom's a bit miffed that I now own a nicer car than she does. But, I told her she'll get to drive it occasionally and that made her feel better.

So, after care shoping, we went to the pool again. Which means that I am, once again very, very sleepy. Being in the pool does that for some reaosn. However, I feel increadibly good as I've been blessed with a new car, I have a great job and guess what else dear blogg reading sextet...my Sister's comming!

That's right, the married sister who lives in New York, the one I haven't seen since Thanksgiving. Granted "that" sister is the only biological sister I have, still, in case you didn't know...I'm excited about her comming.

So, Sarah, can't wait to see you. To my other five blog readers, I bid you good night.

Friday Life Review

I have a confession: I didn't read a book this week.

See, my Mom's mostly been taking me to work and when I AM on the bus, my time is now consumed with my Tetris obession (I'm begining to think I have a problem). Because of that and my fatigue when I get home at night, I haven't (reallly) done anything worthwhile or productive with my time at all.

I've been searching the internet, watching Star Trek, working and blogging. And, to tell the truth, I hardly notice that I'm wasting my own time while I'm doing it. It's become so routine for me not to do anything that when I don't do anything nothing seems a miss.

Despite this, there are nights like tonight which make me realize how much more awesome my life would be if I would just get up. I guess this night inspired me to think about my life. So, since you don't have a book review, maybe, you can consider this a...life review?

See, tonight I did do something. I went to a concert at our church.

'A concert at a church?' you ask.

'Kurt Whelan' I'll answer.

Now most of you are probably asking yourselves 'who?' at which point I will begin to wave statistics at you about platinum jazz, saxaphone records, eight emmy nominations and inform you that he is, the greatest jazz saxaphoneist of our time and one of the last great jazz musicians.

(For proof check wikipedia, which is right about everything:

However, his talent and musicality were not what inspired me to get out of my stationary life and 'get on up'. Kurt did this whole concert for free to promote a new private middle school for boys in an inner city neighborhood.

He also preached durring the concert and seemed to have something to say to everyone. He talked about what I've been saying to anyone who will listen. About how we're all in this world together and that we must band together to make a difference.

It's amazing how he's been able to use his gift. While in the concert, I started to realize, I have gifts to and, really, I've been amazingly selfish with them. I have all these plans, which I don't really do much to make come about. All of which, are also, very selfish.

I realized tonight, that I don't want to sing or perform just for me. Whatever I can do, I want to do it for God and to help other people. The talents I have aren't mine, after all, they really belong to God. It's about time I got out of the way and let him do what he wants with them.

So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get out of the way and ask God to use me however he wants to use me.

So...sorry if that was a bit preachy. (I mean next thing you know, I'll be wanting to 'minister' to you and 'tell you what's on my heart' and using other terrifying church staple phrases). I had to give you something interesting after promising to give you a book review and then having no book to give. I hope you have enjoyed this life review.

Until tomorrow!

A Nice monetary quick fix

So, it turns out that Lance, the PT Cruiser isn't the car for me. We went back to the dealer and, well, let's just say that it wasn't the deal that I thought it was. So, I was on the bus again today.

It's not so bad actually. Especially now that I've downloaded tetris onto my cell phone. I'm getting pretty good at it, actually. Especially now that I've figured out how to rotate the peices. (And, in case you're wondering, yes, I am that pathetic).

Still, despite massive ammounts of time for tetris playing and perfecting, the bus does make me very sleepy as I have to catch the bus at 6:46Am in order to get to work by 8:30.

I really, really, really need a car. Or I need to go to bed earlier, get lots of excercize, cut back on greasy, heavy foods and generally, live a better life. Given the choice between a total life style change and a quick monetary fix...I'll take the quick monetary fix.

So, a new car it is. And hey, maybe when I get one, ten pounds will miraculously fall off of my body and I will be instantly compelled to eat vegetables and make regular trips to the gym. Yes, the right car could change everything.

I'm really tired so, I'm going to say good night.

Good night!

Homesick

So, blogosphere, guess what was on PBS tonight?

'What?' I ask in your place.

South Pacific, the revival! Yes, Kelli O'hara saw fit to grace my television screen with (what should have been) her tony award winning performance.

To save you some time, I'm going to revleive your worries and tell you that I will not give you a review of the show filled with my usual rants about how no one can play the male lead in South Pacific like Enzio Pinza (however true that might be).

No, instead, I want to talk about how, somewhere between 'I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair' and 'Younger than Spring time' I began to feel increadibly homesick. See, as much as I love my new job, as much as I like my life right now, a part of me posotively aches to be on stage.

I know it sounds cliche, and it is, but a lot of cliches are true...that's how they became cliches.

I'm sure a lot of performers understand what I mean. And, if you're not a performer, well...it's hard to explain. I guess the best way to explain the feeling of not being on stage or a part of a show for a while is the way you feel when you've been away from home for a long time.

You don't really notice at first. When you've been somewhere far away from home long enough, it becomes sort of normal and you don't realize you miss it. Then something stupid and insignificant happens: you see a picture, you hear a song, you eat soup, you see, hear, feel something that reminds you of home and, out of no where you feel a pain in your chest.

I heard a song I'd heard a thousand times before, sung the way I've heard it sung a thousand times and that pang in my chest came flooding in with a vengance. Suddenly, I was crying when I wasn't supposed to be crying.

I was sitting on my couch, my blanket curled around my knees wishing, for the first time in weeks, that I could be somewhere else. I wanted to be on that stage. Not that stage specifically, but any stage. I knew what the feeling was, I wanted to go home.

I know some people, some of you probably, think that this feeling is riddiculous and silly and I should just give it up and move on to something else. But...it's not as easy as that. Again, it's hard to explain but it's definately not something one can just drop and forget about.

That is why I will always perform. No matter what. It's not a choice, really. It's just something I've got to do.

I know that was overly sentimental and sappy but...it's late and my mind takes very sentimental turns this late at night.

Until tomorrow...

Some Grown ups love their jobs

So, dear blog readers, it's story time:

Once upon a time (circa 1994), I had a lovely music teacher who not only told me that we couldn't sing christmas carols because, and I quote: "Hitler was a Christian", she also said that no adult likes his or her job.

The first claim she made was completely and utterly historically inaccurate (http://www.trueorigin.org/hitler01.asp). As it turns out, the second claim was just as mis guided as the first.

See, here's the reason I know that the worst teacher I ever had was wrong about the second claim: I LOVE my job.

I spent the morning knowing exactly what I had to get done, I knew exactly when I had to do it, yet still, there was no rush. I know what I've got to get done but I do it at my own pace. And when that's done, I can move on to the next thing. No more grabbing for phones before they ring more than 2x only to hear some customer on the other end expecting me to appologize for something that I had absolutely nothing to do with.

I don't HAVE to answer to customers about things I know nothing about anymore. I don't have to get my data entry done while also answering those three very important alarms. I'm starting to realize that this is the reason why I went to college. So that I wouldn't HAVE to answer telephones all day, so that I wouldn't HAVE to work weekends.

I can create power points and find pictures of television shows on the internet and write out descriptions of TV shows which make them sound more enticing and exciting than they really are! I know that might sound a bit dull to all of you, but for me, it's AMAZING!

I mean, I still want to persue a career in music and acting however, I'm starting to realize that that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the job I have while I'm reaching for that goal. I'm starting to realize that having a good job doesn't mean I've given up on my dream, it just means I am allowed to like my day job and, lucky for me, I finally do.

So, moral of the story kids: if anyone tells you you're not supposed to like your job, tell them, from me, Hitler was NOT a christian.

Until tomorrow....

I don't need a boyfriend...I have a Dog

We got our computers updated at work today. Most of you probably don't see this as particularly news worthy; I didn't either. However, given that the technicians who came to UPDATE the computers were male, fairly good looking and my age, my co workers beleived this WAS news worthy.

'They're both cute right?' one said to me

'Yeah. I guess,' I said.

'Do you have a boyfriend?'

'No,' I said

'Well, there you go.'

'The last thing I need right now is a relationship,' I said beleiving that that would end the conversation. It didn't. Indeed, she looked at me as though I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.

'Why?' she asked looking at me with concern, as though worried for my health.

I honestly wasn't quite sure what to say. What do you say when you're single, happy with your life and don't have any particular aversion to men, but just don't WANT one right now? So, I said the first thing that came to my mind:

'I allready have a dog. I don't need a boyfriend,' luckily all my co-workers laughed and that was the end of the entire conversation.

Now, I want to make it clear that I am not comparing men to dogs (not all of them anyway), but I just don't understand why someone, especially a girl, can't be single without something being wrong with her.

I mean,look at all the internet dating sites. Everyone assumes that if you're not in a relationship, you want or need to be in one.

This, I've found, is especially true in the evangelical community. I look my church and realize that most of the classes for young adults are classes for young marieds and singles groups for young people who WANT to be married.

It's enough to make me want to start a protestant nuns for Jesus class because, honestly that's what girls who are over 22 and not married feel like in this community.

It's not that I'm down on marriage either, young marriage is wonderful, it's just not for everyone. Just like I can be perfectly happy on my own without the secular ideal of a boyfriend. This is something I'm really just begining to learn.

See, I've been a hopeless romantic pretty much my entire life. I've had my wedding planned since I was five years old and planed out the qualities of my future husband when I was thirteen. I've dreamed endlessly of a white knight who would come and sweep me off my feet.

But now... all that doesn't seem quite so important anymore. I'm learning more on my own about my Faith, about my family and about myself than I could every have learned if I were tied to someone else. More than that; I feel independant, useful and happy. I have people (and dogs) who love me and I'm young and healthy. I don't see why I have to add one more person into this mix in order to feel completely fullfilled. Nor will settle for something less than God has for me simply because I'm afraid of being alone.

So, in short, yes I am single. Yes, I am happy. No, I do not need you to set me up; nor do I need a bible study to help marry me off.

I'm willing to let God be my husband for a while, thank you very much. If you have a problem with this, you can talk to him. (Or to my Dog, Daisy, who would be very upset if another person took my attention away from her).

I'm not really sure that rant had a point. But thank you for reading it anyway (assuming, of course, that you did).

The Shortest blot in the history of blogs

So...I'm really, really tired tonight.

We just joined a new fitness club. Thus, after getting a hair cut (my head is much happier now), I was able to go swimming for the first time this summer. That was amazingly relaxing and filled with nostalgia as the club we've joined is the same club our family belonged to when I was young.

This is all well and good but, going swimming has always made me very sleepy. AND I've got to get up very early for work tomorrow morning. So, if it's ok with you dear blog readers, I'm going to make this my shortest post (hopefully) ever.

Hope you had a wonderful day, have a happy Monday tomorrow. I'll take the time to write then.

Good night.

Lance

So...I know this is very sudden and I'm not one hundred percent sure of anything yet, but I have to tell someone and, it might as well be you, dear blog readers.

See, the truth is, I'm in love. I started to doubt that it would ever happen to me but, miraculously, it has. I knew the moment I saw him, it was one of those things, you know. One of those moments you will relive a million times in your memory. Yes, it's safe to say, that I have fallen completely head over heels for a white PT Cruiser named Lancelot.

I suppose you'll want the whole story.

Well, it's Saturday, and I need a car. So, my Mom and I decided to browse around at used car lots. We'd gone to two places and weren't impressed. We decided to stop at one last dealership before heading home. After setting the paramiters for the sale, the salesman offered to show us several cars. He led us out to the lot and that's when I saw him: the most adorable car on four wheels.

This cruiser had everything I was looking for. Automatic transmition, a built in C.D player, i-pod station, four doors AND it's a 2008.

Unfortunately, I was not able to drive off the lot with the car of my dreams today. I still need to figure things out financially. But I've given him a name! Afterall, every car has to have a name and what better name for a courageous, white knight than Lancelot.

Yes, I named my car. I have named every car since my first Honda Passport (George). I like naming things...don't judge me!

I suppose it might have been a little too early for a name but...I was too excited not to give him one after the test drive. He's just so perfect! And I have a feeling he just might rescue me from the horrors of San Antonio Public Transit.

Am I wrong to feel this way? Does everyone name their cars, or am I even more odd than I previously thought? I'll send these questions out into the blogosphere tonight.

Until I see my sweet PT Cruiser again, I ask for your prayers that my white knight and I will soon be reunited.

Angels don't speak gobbledeegook

So, my dear blog reading sextet, do you remember when I told you that I would provide you with a review of the C.S Lewis classic Mere Christianity? Well...I lied.

Not about the book review. I'll still give you one of those (so you can put down your torches and pitch forks), it just won't be about Mere Christianity. See, I finished Mere Christianity a while ago, I read a different book this week, which I was kind of ashamed of.

Don't worry, I will not be reviewing a Gossip girl novel or the Twilight saga. However, I have read a book called: Our Invisible Allies: the truth about Angels.

Now, before you become very concerned and begin reffering me to very good phsyciatrist, I have not joined a cult of obsessive Angel worship. I will however admit, however reluctantly into the blogosphere, that I believe in Angels, Deamons, and a world beyond our own.

This book written by Ryan Phillips, a charismatic baptist pastor from Atlanta, dealt with the history of Angels and the various ways in which they have aided and continue to aid humanity.

In terms of actual literary merrit, I will say that Mr. Philips is no Donald Miller (or C.S Lewis or even John Eldridge). His voice comes off as very excitable due, in large part, to the exclamation points he places after every sentence! That being said, the true stories of angelic experience he recounts are very interesting and, to be honest, fun to read.

I also agree with some of the theological points he makes about Angels. I beleive that Angels assist beleivers in times of need, I beleive that they fight demonic forces on our behalf, I also beleive that, at the end of a beleiver's life, they come to bear souls to heaven.

That being said, there are some points within the book that I do NOT agree with. As a charismatic, mr. Phillips places a lot of emphasis on speaking in tounges. Now, I don't necessarily disagree with the idea of speaking in tounges. I beleive that tounges can be spoken by beleivers, but Mr. Phillips and I disagree on what constitutes "tounges".

I (and many theologians, including C.S Lewis) believe that "tounges" refer to spoken languages other than the native language of the speaker. For example, if God wants someone to say something in...Mandarin Chinese but that person does not happen to speak Mandarin Chinese, God will give them the mandarin words to speak and he will also provide a translator so that everyone may understand what is being said.

Charismatics beleive that speaking in tounges means speaking "the language of Angels" as well as human languages, and a translator does not necesarrily have to be present. Frankly, I have a hard time beleiving that a bunch of vowels strung together in no discernable order are actually a heavenly language. Frankly, I don't think Angels NEED language to communitcate with God or eachother. Speech and language are human necesities.

Despite my issues with this, I don't have a problem with people who beleive in the idea of speaking in "Angel tounges". I DO have a problem with Christans who beleive that they are better than other Christians BECAUSE they beleive it.

Mr. Philips makes the claim in this book that all Christians are children of God however, only charismatic christians (in other words, christians who practice speaking in tounges) have been granted "Sonship". He uses several scriptures to back up this claim, most of them from 1st Chrointhians. I not only found most of this evidence to be disjointed and taken grossly out of context, I also found this claim to be arrogant, demeaning and, ultimately, disheartening.

Up until the secting involving "sonship", this book was filled with encouraging stories which called all beleivers to band together and gave us a message that we are not alone. By making the claim that only a certain group of Christians are "select" Mr. Phillips does more damage to the faith than Satan and all his minions could ever do.

Reading this book, both the good and bad aspects of it, has made me realize, more clearly than ever, that it is imperative for all of us who have faith in Jesus Christ to set aside our petty differences and band together. It's sad, really that two thousand years later, we have not heeded Jesus' teaching and are still arguing amongst ourselves about who is going to be "first" in the kingdom of heaven.

Ultimately, it does not matter whether you speak to God by confessing to a preist or closing yourself inside a prayer closet. You can worship God both by singing traditional hymns and praise and worship songs. You can be filled with the spirit shouting loudly in tounges or sitting quietly on a park bench. Ultimately, we are all children of God; all who have faith in Christ have "sonship".

God does not distinguish between the charismatic and the presbyterian or the Chatholic and the Anglican. God sees only his sons and dauthers who are in need of his guidance. It's about time we began to see eachother that way too...

More of a rant than a review, I guess. Sorry about that. But thanks for giving me that moment to preach. Hope you didn't find it too disconcerting.

Next Friday, I promise a wholy non-religious book review

Non intersting blogs and why they're ok

What did I do today?

I listened to monotone voiced training modules, spent my lunch hour lurking in the sheet music store across the street from my work, took part in a training webinar ate dinner at Chile's and spent the evening watching reality TV.

In short, my day was...average. Nothing special happened; no angels, no transportation mishaps, no funny anecdotes, no life epiphanies, just...a day... like a lot of other days.

Here is the problem with that: see, I had this idea that I would be living an exteremely entertaining, epiphany spurring, mountain moving lifetime movie staring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep since I lost my job and decided to blog everyday in August.

The sad truth is...well... that just doesn't appear to be true.

It might have been true if I had had to spend a lot of time wandering the streets in search of work. But, really, I'm very happy that I didn't have to do that. All in all, I'll take my relatively boring, happy, quiet life over the drama provided by Amy Adams and/or Meryl Streep. I'll stick to acting to provide my drama.

Unfortunately, dear blog readers, my happiness is your misfortune.

On your bright side, however, it appears that I will be attempting to take the bus tomorrow. And, as promised, I will have a Friday book review for you! I'll be reviewing Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis. Which, will most likely, result in nothing but squeeing, agreement and hero worship for Mr. Lewis. Just giving you fair warning...

The Wonders of do it yourselfness

So...that career prospect didn't work out. That means, that I'll have to do the whole go to agents, headshots, website thingy by myself. But, in a way, maybe this'll be more fun.

By doing things myself, I'll learn how to be independant. No Cinderella stories here! I'll get to the top by putting in the time, effort and not spending thousands of dollars on training classes. Also, I'll get to do things at MY pace, not someone else's. I mean, I'm going to put in the time and effort, but I won't feel like I'm a failure if I don't have a major contract in six months.

I get to do community theater, you tube and other things which I would probably not get to do if I signed my soul away to a contract.

Lastly, I won't have to move to New York or L.A within six months. As much as I'd like to move away from San Antonio, I would also like to keep my job for at least a year. It doesn't look so good on a resume loosing jobs within months of eachother.

So, really, this whole "not getting a call" is actually a good thing. I get to keep 500 dollars and I'll (hopefully) ge a new car. I just have to be sure to keep up with all the "career" centered things (head shots, reels, website etc...) that I've been planning to do. Perhaps you, my dear, faithful quintet will be able to help me with that? Would you be willing to provide me with reminders every few weeks. Just leave a comment every once in a while saying "Rachel, remember those business cards you were going to print out? You should really get on those..."

I know I can't, in good consience, ask you to do that for me...still...it was worth a shot!

Another Guilty Pleasure Post

I hate to disappoint you, dear blog quintet but, really, nothing interesting happened today. I enjoy my job, I'm looking forward to getting a car and I don't think that training school scholarship is comming. Still, life is pretty good right now. And, I'm afraid, as I said the other day, that makes for pretty boring blogging. So, I've stolen an idea from my sister's blog (read it here:sarahbadger.blogspot.com).

I am going to give you, oh lucky blog readers, a top ten list of my most infamous guilty pleasures

1. WE Wedding Sundays- See, it all started when there was nothing else to do on Sunday in Kerrville. My room mate Kathleen and I were bored, so we decided to turn on the WE chanel and Bridezillas happened to be on. It was sort of like a train wreck. Something you know you REALLY shouldn't be watching but you just can't seem to tear your eyes away. After spoiled bratty brides killed our brain cells, we kept the chanel on to watch a flamboyant designer tell brides that everything about their wedding was wrong. This is definately a guilty pleasure, but one I plan on keeping up. How else am I supposed to know what NOT to do when I get married.

2. Andrew Loyd Webber- Call it cheesy, call it unsophisticated, call it music for the masses but when Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman start in on Phantom of the Opera I WILL drop everything and sing. The same goes for most of the songs from Cats, Evita, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, Jesus Christ Superstar etc... I like Andrew Loyd Webber. And, if that is wrong, I don't think I want to be right.

3. Star Trek- I blame David for this one. I went to London, spent a weekend watching the Orriginal Series at David's house and I never looked back. Now, I am obsessed (and, I think, a little bit in love with yet ANOTHER fictional character: Spock).

4. Stuffed Animals- I still LOVE stuffed animals. At 24 years old I still squee, just a bit, over a cuddly little frog on the shelf of a store. There are stuffed animals I will never give away, they're just too special and too...well...cuddly.

5. Fanfiction- I'll admit it. I occasionally enjoy reading a well written, orriginal fanfiction. I've even been known to write the occasional Lupin/Tonks fic. But really, with no new books out and WB being VERY tight lipped on the movie scene (WHEN, exactly, are we going to get to see the Comic Con footage?), I need to get my Potter fix from somewhere. If that somewhere just happens to be from the slightly ill conceived mind of a teenage Harry Potter fan, well...don't judge me!

6. Romantic Comedies- Like Sarah, I blame my Mom.

7. Cheesey Romantic Duets from movies- Give me Linda Rhonstat and that other guy singing 'If I Never Knew You' from Phocahautas and I will begin happily bawling my eyes out on que. Money back guarentee.

8. Starbucks- I think everyone has a weakness for this chain. Whether they'll admit it or not.

9. Coke Zero- I've said it before, but I'll say it again: Hi, my name is Rachel and I'm a Coke Zeroaholic. I know it's bad for me, and it's probably not aiding my diet progress, but I can't really stop. I think Coke just might be my crack. There should be a reality tv show...

10. Cheese Itz- I can't have a box in the house. It will be gone in 1 to 3 days depending on the size and ammount of time I spend at home in front of the computer. Thus, I try to keep those delicious boxes at bay. But...occasionally, I'll go to the store and it will be there, taunting me, and I've just got to pick one up! Again, don't judge me!

Why Public Tranportation is not a right but a necessity

You know what? 'What?' my five faithful blog readers ask in unison.

The San Antonio Via Bus trip planner is an out and out liar! Do you know how I know this, my blog reading quintett? I know this because this "Via trip planner" is the reason that I was a little over twenty minutes late for my first day at my new job.

I left the house at 6:30Am, bus fare in hand. The 648 bus which leaves from my house got me to the transit center on time. The bus that I was supposed to tranfer to also arrived on time, so I was feeling pretty good about the whole 'take the bus thing'.

Soon after I entered the 551 bus, I learned the full extent of the Via trip planners betrayal. See, the trip planner never told me what stop I needed to off at. It did, however, tell me that I would reach my destination at 8:10Am.

Well, at 8:10 am we did NOT reach my destination, we reached a park and ride 10 minutes away by car from my work place. Everyone on the bus was getting off, so, I got off with them and went to the information book at the park and ride center. The woman at the booth told me that I had to get on another bus which would not come until 8:30. This bus would drop me off right in front of my workplace twenty minutes AFTER I was schedualed to come in to work.

There wasn't a whole lot I could do at that point. I called work, told them that I would be late, appologized profussely and settled in for a very nerve wracking bus ride. See, I did not trust the Via bus system to get me where I needed to be. I eventually made it to work, however, my faith in public transportation is severely shaken.

Not ALL public transportation, mind you. This would never have happened in, say, New York City. And it CERTAINLY never happened in London. No, I have a problem with public tranportaion in cities where public transportation as well as pedestrians are looked upon as second teir.

See, in a sad, lonely, car filled place called Texas, the only people who take the bus are homeless, old, work at Mcdonalds or a combination of these things. Thus, it is an afterthought system for "second class" citizens. In Texas, where everyone drives his own pick up, no one really thinks about what happens if said over large vehicle were to spontaneously combust? More than that, what if someone who physically can not drive wants to get somewhere? What if someone simply does not want to drive but preferes to sit and read while others do all the work? Are all these people to be informed by a horribly mismanaged transportation system that they are, in essence, after thoughts? Is someone worth less because he or she does not own a car? Is this the new face of segregation? Will men in pickup trucks next be seen in white sheets running down pedestrians and shouting about 'Vehical Pride'? Discuss....

Things are Looking Up

I don't know if you know this, but I want to perform. And not in the 'let me sing for my friends and family in my living room type of way'. I want to make a living performing.

Now, a company (yes, the possibly scamalicious company I mentioned yesterday), has offered to give me access to people who can make my dreams of performing come true. Now, I prayed about it last night and I said to God 'God, I'm broke. So...if you really want me to do this...I mean really want me to...then give me a full scholarship.'

This morning, I got a call offering me a place in the company AND a full scholarship! I'm so excited about this I can't even tell you! I have a phone interview with the scholarship lady tomorrow but it seems like things are finally starting to fall into place for me.

I have a new job, a possible career prospect and some money in the bank. Now, I just need a car and I'll have it pretty much made. No, honestly, if I were to look into the mirror of Erised today I would see myself, as I am, with a car behind me.

Speaking of the mirror of Erised. I have learned one lesson from this day. That lesson is this: there are very few Christian Harry Potter fans in San Antonio. And almost none who want to attend meetups discussing the subject.

I started a Christian Harry Potter Meetup group on meetup.com. Today was our first meeting and it consisted completely of myself and my mother at Barnes and Nobel. So...maybe there will be more people at the second meeting? Hopefully.

Also hopefully, I will receive that car soon. In the mean time I'll be taking the bus at 6:46 tomorrow morning to go to work!

You know, with all the complaining, doubting, and arguing I did, God gave me a lot of good gifts. I may be horribly selfish, unorganized, lazy and a bit scatterbrained at times, but things like this show that he must love me in spite of all of it. And, that's a good thing to know.

Unfortunately, all this happiness makes for rather boring blogging. I'm sorry about that. I'm sure I will have plenty of post job/interview tales

Actress requires loan

Have you ever had that thing happen when you go to an audition and then find out that they want you to pay them money?

I went to audition today for "Actors, Models and Talent for Christ". They hold a conference in Orlando twice every year in Orlando Florida where lots of agents and casting directors come to see people they've trained audition for them. It seems like an increadible experience. I had a great time at the audition and did very well (I think). I sang Summertime and then they wanted me to sing something Celtic Women inspired (because, as a musical artist, that's what my voice is best marketed as), so I did The Voice. Then I performed a monolouge from Uncle Vanya and the auditioner was very impressed that I chose to do Checkov (everyone else either read from the little commercial blips we were given or else did a monolouge from a movie).

I think I've got a good chance at a callback from this. Here's the thing, however, they require a five hundred dollar deposite as well as four thousand dollars before the convention in January. That's right, 4 THOUSAND dollars! My checking account has never even SEEN that much money. Not to mention, I need to buy a car AND I just started my job. They have scholarship programs so, I might be able to get a scholarship from someone, however, I'm not sure that it's really worth it at this point.

So, really, I'm here asking for your advice, dear blog readers. Do you think I should fundraise and find scholarship money to train with this company in the hopes of bieng able to sign with a New York agency or Record company? Is that opprotunity worth four thousand dollars?

Let me know what you think. I appologize for the shortness of this post, however, auditioning does take a lot out of you. So, now I'm exhausted.

Until tomorrow...

Why I flunked cut and paste in Kindergarden

Guess how I spent my Friday, oh blogosphere? No ideas? Well, I'll tell you. After acheiving my goal of being hired in a real grown up job and securing an audition for a real, authentic, talent agency, I celebrated my success by spending three hours peeling out big cardboard letters in the middle of a first grade class room.

'Why were you spending Friday in a first grade class room?' the blogosphere, no doubt, enquires. Well, that's an easy question to answer. See, my Mom has recently procurred a position teaching first grade in an elementary school on the other side of San Antonio. This is very exciting for her as she has been in the market for a teaching job for the past two years. She was just recently hired to teach in an inner city district which is a bit notorious for being particularly difficult. Oddly enough, this is, perhaps what excites my Mother the most. She's always liked a challange (and...honestly...it's first grade. How menacing can a group of adorable six year olds really be?). The only thing about this job that really stresses Mom out, it seems, is finding all the right colourful borders, cute frogs, and overlarge letters to hang in the class room.

That's where my peeling off large letters in a firstgrade class room comes into play.

'Why does it take you so long to peel letters? Shouldn't that be pretty easy?' members of my reading audience are no doubt asking themselves.

Well, oh dear blog readers, the answer to that question is much longer and a bit more complicated. Not only were these particular letters very poorly made (especially considering how expensive they were. On what planet is it acceptable to charge five dollars a sheet for peel a part block letters?). Thus, they were difficult to peel appart from eachother without tearing and I had to revert to using the sicssors.

The problem with this is, I'm not known for my arts and crafts skills. There is a reason for this. See, when I was a wee little kindergardener, there was a playhouse set, complete with kitchen in my class room, which only four children were allowed in at a time. Now, I was an imaginative child and could never master the self control to resist anything involving makebelive thus, the playhouse with its imaginary kitchen always beckoned to me.

The problem...well, we had arts and crafts at the end of the day, just before we got to choose our centers to play in. The deal was, we had to finish our craft products before we were allowed to play, and the playhouse four were decided on a first come first served basis. So, if I was to beat all the other children to the kitchen, I had to work increadibly fast. This was a feat that even at the tender age of five, I was unable to accomplish. So, instead of learning the importance of hard work and perseverance, I would simply stuff my unfinished craft projects into my cubby and race the brighter and more honest children to the playhouse.

I'll admit, I'm a bit ashamed to reveal the beginings of my now infamous lazy streak to a horde (do four followers count as horde?) of blog readers. However, this incident means that, unfortunately, I never truly learned the proper form, ettiquette or style for cutting, gluing, pasting or colouring. This is why it still takes three hours for me to cut paper block letters from sheets without accidentally tearing them in half or poking my own eye out with the scissor blades.

Still, the more I thought about this today, the more I realized, the bulk of my personality was not truly formed by the arts and crafts projects that I did not finsh, but rather, by the imaginary kitchen which I (however illigitimately) spent the bulk of my time playing in.

I know it's a bit cliche but I've come to realize that playing imaginary games, interacting with others and (in essence) practicing for adult hood is a more useful and important to a childs well being than learning to cut a peice of paper cleanly or learning how to colour inside the lines. Now, I'm not suggesting a revolution against scicssors, glue and markers (though we do have some animosity in our history), I'm mearly suggesting that, if a child doesn't do these things well and doesn't want to do those things, maybe it's better, in the end, to simply let her play in the imaginary kitchen.

Oh, and Mom, I know you'll be the kind of teacher to value playhouses over scissors. So, really, it doesn't matter if the block letters are exactly centered in the end. No one child will remember if they were or not. What they'll remember is what an amazing, creative and fun teacher they had for first grade.

Ok. My sentimental speil is (hopefully) over for the month. I have an audition comming up tomorrow so, I'll need lots of prayers and posotive vibes for that! I'll let you know how it goes

See you tomorrow blog reading quartet!

An end to nervous angsting

Guess what? 'What?' I hear the blogosphere echo me. Well, I'll tell you blogosphere. I have a job!

I am now the newest sales assistant for a small, local television station. It's really my first "grown up" job post college, so, I'm extremely excited. Though, as I don't have a car, the bus on Monday should be interesting. I'll have to transfer, which means over an hour of bus time extremely early in the morning.

Still, It's much, much better than not having a job at all. And, I'll get to catch up on my reading while I'm on the bus!

With that in mind I make it my mission in August to provide a literary review of one new book per week this Month. Yes, I plan to read one book each week for the rest of the month. On Friday of each week, I shall give you a literary review of each book. We'll call Friday "book review day". If you think you can come up with something better, leave it in the comments and the three people who read this blog can vote on it. (Only my vote counts for two because I'm the orriginator of this blog so I can basically do whatever I want...so there).

I still don't know if I should have themes for different days or not. Do you think it's a good idea, blogoshpere? We could vote on it, but I'll just do what I want anyway, I always do.

So, until tomorrow, my dear readers...nighty night!

More nervous angsting from the nervous angsting blogger

Hi! I'm Rachel and I'm nervous and angsty about everything.

I know, it's never nice to meet a nervous angsty person, much less read about them in personal journal style blog postings; that is why it is amazing that who ever is reading this is actually reading this and hasn't run away at the first sentence. So...thanks Mom.

'What are you nervously angsting about today?' my Mother may ask. Well, the thing is, I've got a job interview tomorrow. 'Why is this something to nervously angst about?' Mom may further inquire. (Mom, would you really just stop and let me talk?). Ok. Now, the reason this is something to nervously angst about is, I'm afraid of getting into a job I'm not good at.

I know it wasn't necesarrily my fault (loosing my last job) but now I'm terrified of being hired for a job and then sucking at it and being fired again. That would confirm the fact that I really can't do anything except sing, act and write. And, let's be honest, everyone thinks they can sing, dance and write so everyone tries to do those things for a living which means there are a lot of people competing for very few jobs.

THAT means that people who can sing, act and write often have to do something else well too. Problem is...I have a hard time recognizing things that I do well besides those things. I know, I'm just being paranoid and I'm sure I'll find a job that I do nearly as well as I sing, act and write. I'm just worried that I'll have to go through a lot of jobs that aren't right to get to the one that is.

Well, the good thing is this interview is for a television station, which is, at least something I'm interested in.

So...this is me saying wish me luck, Mom! (And whoever else was brave enough to keep reading this). Also, prayers would really be helpful. I know that God has something in store for me. If this is supposed to be my new job, he'll make it my new job. So I really shouldn't worry.

Well...until tomorrow!

Not so good advice about auditions from a not so good auditioner

I'm getting ready for an Audition on Saturday and, as excited as I am about the opprotunity, I have some concerns. Mostly, just these two big ones. These are:

1. I have to pick out a monolouge. Monolouges and I have a rather turbulant history. See, I don't see the point of them. I don't mean that I don't see the point of having a specific character speak for a prolonged period of time in a play. I mean I don't see the point of forcing an actor to memorize lines out of the context of a play, then stand before four men and speak those lines to an invisible partner in a situation which the auditioners will, most likely, never see the actor in. I mean, since I'm auditioning for a company and not a specific play, I suppose I can understand. Still, I would rather just read from a script with a partner. The auditors would get a much better guage of who I am as an actress.

2. I have a nerve problem. It's not stage fright, really. Because I don't have any problem performing on the stage. I have a problem acting or singing before four people who I know are judging me. I mean, when I'm on stage, I know the people who I'm performing for want to be entertained; they want me to be good and they expect me to be good. They're on my side so to speak. With auditioners, I feel like they're sitting in their big chairs behind that scary table saying: 'We've seen a bunch of good people today, so, what makes you so different?' and, frankly, that scares me.

I suppose I'll have to find a way to reconcile these two things in my mind and learn to set them aside before the audition. It'll help that I've picked a monolouge I like and it won't be too hard to memorize. The nerve problem is slightly more crucial. I think I'll be able to keep myself calm enough so that a life or death fear does not overtake me, as is usually the case in auditions. At least I hope I won't experience that same paralyzing, life or death fear.

Well, that's it from me for today. Not particularly entertaining, I know. But, I can't extend the energy to pretend to be witty everyday, can I? (that was a retorical question). So...until tomorrow... do you have any good audition tips?

How to be happy about loosing your job in 10 easy steps (Or, at least keep yourself from self-pitying ice cream binges)

In case the increadibly long title of this blog didn't give you a hint, I've just been fired. So, now I have no car (mine was totalled by an inconsiderate truck which inconsiderately left dangerous debris scattered across the road), no job and my life story I promised to provide you with in this blog will have to suffer a postponement as I've got other things on my mind thanks very much. Sorry about that.

Despite all the apparent suckage my life has suffered recently, I've decided that this whole "loosing of the job" thing is actually a step forward. 'And why is that?' I hear you asking (becoming rather noesy again, aren't we computer friends?). Well, I will tell you in true David Letterman fashion

Rachel's Top Ten Reasons Why Loosing My Job was Actually a Good Thing:

10. I won't have to take the bus anywhere tomorrow: I've been taking the bus to work and back for the past month. It's not terrible, but it's not ideal as it gets me there an hour early. So, I often find myself sitting outside for fifty minutes reading C.S Lewis while cars driving by stare at me as though I were a monkey in a zoo. (Honestly, Texas is so unfriendly to pedestrians. No one looks oddly at people who read outside under trees in New York).

9. I have an excuse to go on Craig's List: I know this isn't much of a reason to be happy, as, really, I could go on Craig's List anytime. However, now, while I'm sitting at my computer for hours, I'm not wasting time on the internet; I'm job hunting! This makes me feel accomplished. Thank you Craig's List. Thank you.

8. More time for BEDA: Until I find a job I'll have more time to barage you with the details of my life (lucky you!)

7. More content for BEDAing: I now have a 'plot', if you will, for my blogging adventures. Most of it will likely be 'Point and laugh at Rachel as she engages in halarious mishaps on the bus on her way to interviews'. I promise to engage in halarious mishaps during my job hunt soely for your enjoyment.

6. I don't have anything (really) tying me to San Antonio anymore: Pending a car, I might actually be able to get out of this city once and for all. I don't have a job here, which means I can start looking for a job anywhere!

5. I can have day hours now!: See, I'd been working the night shift and that doesn't leave much time for auditioning, going out etc... so... nights are free now...

4. I can now have a career: Now there are really no excuses left to stop me from making up resumes, getting headshots taken, vlogging or doing other things to further my career.

3. I can get a job I enjoy!: Ok, it's not that my previous job was terrible. But, I've found that I'm not good at sitting at a job, doing two thousand things at once, while feilding phone calls in which people ask me questions that I don't have the answers to. Is there a job out there where I can just do one thing and I don't have to talk to strangers on a telephone?

2. I can eat at normal hours: Due to night hours, and the fact that I rarely remember to bring dinner to work, I've taken to eating dinner at 11:00 at night. Well, no more!

1. I'll always have Hogwarts: Honestly, this has nothing to do with my job. But, the four days I spent at the Harry Potter Conference will always make me smile and fend off dementor induced late night ice cream binges. To everyone who was at Infinitus, you all make me smile and I miss you so much!

See, despite apperances, loosing my job is actually a good thing...sort of. What thought fends off your dementor induced ice cream binges? Do you have any advice on job hunting? I suppose I will leave you with those burning questions.

Until Tomorrow...

So...

I've decided that it's really about time that I started blogging again. The only problem with that is, I have a problem with blogging consistently. (Anyone who attempted to follow my woefully limited London adventures can attest to this). Fear not, however, I believe that I have found the answer to this. What is this answer, I hear you asking from the other side of my computer?
This:

BEDA

And what is BEDA? Why it's Blog Every Day in August! And, beleive it or not, I'm going to do it.

Yes, I have commited myself to bombarding you daily with the excruciating details of my average life as an average college grad working in an average post college job.

'And why have you chosen to burden us with this mind numbing information?' you might further enquire (becoming rather noesy, aren't you nameless computer void?). Well, I'd like to answer your question with another question oh curious blog reader: why not?

Honestly, if I'm stuck with the mundane details, frustrations, joys and concerns of my little post college life, you might as well be too. That and, I've decided that I haven't been writing nearly enough lately. Oh, PLUS: I'm trying to make it in the entertainment industry as an actress. And, I heard somewhere that professional people have PROFESSIONAL websites and INTERESTING blogs! So, grab a strong cup of lady gray tea (or similar) and get ready for thrilling, fast paced, mundane, post graduate ride.

I solomenly vow that tomorrow I will provide the perfunctory introduction post (hi! My name is Rachel and here's my life story etc...). For tonight, however, I am content to simply post this: I am the college graduate/ alarm dipatcher/ aspiring actress who will be guiding you through the month of August.

It's nice to meet you!
Nice to meet you!